I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
