So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
