remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
