sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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