I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
