Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize