Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
