you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize