Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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