you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
