You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
