At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bring money and cleavage
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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