People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
