anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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