So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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