Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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