the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
