So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
