benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
