Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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