I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
