R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wish my penis had a tongue
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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