I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
