This is not my ceiling
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
