It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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