he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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