Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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