Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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