whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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