Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
