Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
