so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
