oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
