Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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