My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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