I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
