so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There r osticjed everywhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
