who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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