They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm passing your future prison.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
