when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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