I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
