I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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