When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
