I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
