...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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