and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
