I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
