I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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