is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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