9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
