piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
