the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
