I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
