The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
