This is not my ceiling
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
