it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
