You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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