What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
