So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
