Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
