Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
