Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
