his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
