Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize