saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
