I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
