the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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