just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
