is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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