So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
