can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
