Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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