Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
