a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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