when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
