I want to stick my p in your. b.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
