It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
