just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
