4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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